FROM TEACH TANTRA TO LOVERS * by Sasha Alex Lessin, Ph.D., Dean School of Tantra & Janet Kira Lessin, CEO, Aquarian Radio
TANTRA TALK STRAIGHT-TALK GETS YOU WHAT YOU NEED
Assert what you want and need. Take responsibility for what you want. Contact your beloveds authentically. Express feelings directly without blame. Distinguish what you do from what you try or want. Understand how you limit yourself. Honor your rhythm of contact and withdrawal.
Speak up; don’t wait for your partners to invite you to talk. Encounter each other. Express upsets, unfinished business, resentments, demands, appreciations. Speak for yourself. Make “I …” statements. Accept no “should” from students, lovers or anyone else.
Address each other directly. When you talk to lovers, look at and see the effect you have on them. Adjust what you say to their ability to hear and understand you. When they speak, notice their effects on you. Say how you feel about what they said. Share reactions, not interpretations or generalizations. Notice–and comment on–your body signals. Comment on your partners’ body signals (when, say, they yawn or wiggle while you talk). Hear how you and your partners interrupt your own and their focus; say what you hear.
Notice (and share) your sensations, emotions and perceptions. Feel and show your pain and pleasure. Express your needs; don’t manipulate, explain, justify or judge. Reveal your internal rehearsals–what you think before you talk–to your partners and students. Notice what you choose to conceal. Remain at choice.
In the experiential cues below you contrast indirect and direct talk. First you’re indirect and question a partner and conceal your interest when you asked. This alerts you that you avoid directness. Then you decide whether to say and what to keep to yourself.
Then, in the exercise, you change your questions to self-expression. When your lovers question you tell say, ‘What’s your interest–the statement your question hides?
Notice questions you or others ask that start with “Why …?” Replace “Why…” with reactions, resentments and demands. Change “I try to …” or “I want to …” . Maki each try and want into what you actually do. Convert “I can’t …”–where you use “I can’t” to limit yourself and blame the limit on others or the world–to a statement that affirms you as the chooser.
You can choose to talk straight and to own your projections. Fess up: impulses and traits you dislike, resent, envy or react to in students and lovers resonate your impulses and traits too.
Honor your lovers’ needs for solitude. They needn’t respond to you. Get their okay before you touch, hold or support them. Contact and withdraw from them when you choose.
Do no violence to self, partner or property. Maintain each other’s confidentiality. Do not undermine each other.
When you’re inattentive, close your eyes. Fantasize that you go away. Feel, hear, smell, taste and see where you imagine you go. Then notice the situation you left. Open your eyes and notice how the present differs from the fantasy. Notice what you lack in the present yet had in fantasy. Say how you could create what you lack now. Create it.
HEATHY EXPERIENCE
When healthy, you:
Live NOW; focus on the present, not past or future.
Live HERE with what’s present not what’s absent.
Experience the REAL; dig body experiences, not imagined events.
Come to your senses. TASTE, HEAR, FEEL and SEE your life now rather than just think or analyze.
EXPRESS your needs; don’t manipulate, explain, justify or judge.
Feel and show your PAIN and PLEASURE.
Make your own CHOICES. Accept no ‘shoulds’ from others.
Take RESPONSIBILITY for your actions, feelings and thoughts.
BE who you are.
EXPERIENTIAL CUES TO ANCHOR YOURSELF IN THE HERE & NOW
Reflect on your current existence, your present awareness.
Notice what’s present here for you? Draw your spacial existence at this moment. Show your body’s position, objects and persons you touch and see.
Locate what you see relative to where you are (building, floor, street, neighborhood) now.
Imagine you become your locale. As this place, say what you’re like. As the voice of your locale, tell the person who just drew you what significance you have for him or her.
What do experience right now?
Now I hear ... (complete).
The taste in my mouth now is … (complete).
My emotion right now is … [finish]. Intensify your emotion.
What hurts me now is …
What feels good to me now is ,,,,
Whose advice should you follow?
How do you feel about yourself now?
How do you feel when you follow the ideals?
EXPERIENTIAL CUES TO CONQUER QUESTIONS & UNCOVER COVERT DEMANDS
QUESTION QUESTIONS
Distinguish questions that request information from manipulative ones.
Genuine questions start with “how” or “what”. They seek info; they don’t hide the questioner’s personal interest. Genuine questions lack hidden messages; they don’t imply criticism.
CHANGE QUESTIONS TO SELF-EXPRESSIONS
You learn to ask manipulative questions to get the others to respond say their positions while you hide yours.
The exercises below help you notice your questions hide thoughts and feelings from lovers. The exercises also alert you to how they get you to respond and not notice what their questions say about them. Habituate yourself to question what you and they conceal in questions, then help them notice and question questions.
Ask a lover a very personal question. But tell her or him to respond to your question with another question, rather than an answer. DON’T ANSWER. Reply to her or his question with another question. Question each other with more questions for five minutes. Remember what you ask.
Assume each question implies two statements–a statement of what you guess your partner will reply and one about you and your interest in asking.
Guess her or his reply to each question you asked.
Tell her or him your interest; say where you came from when you posed question. Say the feelings, thoughts and personal interests behind the questions you asked. Say the “I” statements –your wants and needs–implicit in your questions.
Hear your partner’s guesses and personal interests in the questions she or he asked you.
Notice and tell each other how you feel as share hidden statements without questions.
“WHY” QUESTIONS CRITICIZE BECAUSE; THAT’S WHY
“Why?” “Cause!” “But, Why?” “Because, because.”
Questions that start with “why” imply criticism. They lead to infinite explanation and talk–not authentic communication.
SWITCH “WHY?” TO “I DON’T LIKE …”
Notice something in your partner’s behavior, mannerisms, demeanor, attitude, status, appearance, dress or views that you dislike. Ask her or him why s/he acts, looks, sounds, dresses, sits, etc., the way you dislike.
Your partner replies with an answer that starts with “because …” to each “Why …?” question.
Whatever answer you receive, question it with “Why?” or “How come?”
Your partner answers you with a “Because …” answer. You respond with a further “Why?” Keep asking “why” questions until your partner runs out of “becauses.”
Notice how this interchange makes you feel.
Now say the criticism implicit in your initial question as a direct statement.
Notice the infinite regress of causes in your dialogue? Say how this infinite regression serves you.
RELATIONSHIP BETTERMENT DIALOGUE
Relate what you LIKE LEAST about each other.
Say what you LIKE MOST about each other.
Tell each other each RESENTMENT you have for each other.
State the DEMANDS you have for each other.
Express what you FORGIVE each other for..
Tell each other your APPRECIATIONS.
OWN YOUR PROJECTIONS
What you dislike, resent and react to in reflects your unacknowledged impulses and personality aspects. Say what IMPULSES, SUBSELVES, ALTERS, ALTERNATIVE INNER VOICES YOU ADMIRE in in your partner also inhere in you.
Say what IMPULSES, SUBSELVES, ALTERS, ALTERNATIVE INNER VOICES you DESPISE in in your partner also inhere in you.
Takes One to Know One
Tell each other what you like MOST AND LEAST ABOUT YOURSELVES.
PLAY WHAT YOU PROJECT
Pretend you possess the traits and qualities you can’t stand in a partner and would hate to find in yourself.
Express the feelings you dislike. Behave the way you detest. Exaggerate it.
When you identify with these traits you detest, what motivates you? What do you need?
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* TEACH TANTRA
amazon.com/Teach-Tantra-Teacher-Manual-Chakras/dp/1977642799
is a manual for you to experience advanced tantra and teach it to other people.
You learn to teach lovers and seekers how to:
* Master advanced tantra techniques
* Open all energy vortexes (chakras) to each other
* Refine relations
* Encourage female ejaculation and master male ejaculatory control
* Find meaning and purpose in relationships and life
* Reprogram parent imprints that diminish sex and love * Get satisfaction and sustain sex
* Mutually make more in sexualloving
* Delve dreams and pastlives
* Worship women and gratify guys
Also by the Lessins:
TANTRA for ALL CHAKRAS
amazon.com/Tantra-Chakras-Sasha-Alex-Lessin/dp/1548102830
guides you through experiences that help you:
* Love each other more and better
* Open your energy vortexes (chakras) to each other
* Share your diverse inner-voices
* Learn what hurts and scares your Inner Kids
* Discern when to lower your subself shields
* Share vulnerability and connect with each other
* Synergize your inner selves’ dance within and between you
* Refine how you relate
* Heal each other’s hearts
* Encourage female ejaculation
* Master male ejaculatory control
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