You CENTER yourself when you hold tension between two or more subselves, voice you can hear in your mind’s ear that opposed one another in your head. Centered, you embrace the opposed voices and respond to their needs.
You recognize, embrace and coordinate your protective, vulnerable, instinctual and spiritual subs. You center better among you subs when you review how you developed them.
If you hide a sub from yourself or your lovers, you sour your own inner ecology and you stilt interaction with them. You project the hurt, fearful or angry sub you won’t let yourself feel onto your lovers, you think they, not you, are hurt, scared or mad. You imagine they enact the sub you won’t acknowledge in yourself. When you project what you won’t see in yourself onto others you distance yourself from them. Get over these pernicious do-loops and teach your lovers how.
Express your hidden subs. Share your hurts and insecurities with your lovers. Then say how you harbor the same subs in you that you hate or envy in them. Help them share their concealed subs too.
Center and access, own and integrate subs concerned with relationships and sexuality. Balance subs that seem opposed. Manage emotional, defensive, instinctual, spiritual and everyday subs.
Your Center changes. Whatever today you see as your Center will tomorrow seem limited as you embrace underdeveloped and new subs. The cues in this section teach you–then you teach your lovers and students–how to recognize, accept and coordinate subs and flow into your ever-evolving centers.
As baby and little kid you needed parents’ love to live, get along and feel okay. You imprinted neediness. Your Inner Child, a sub, stays needy forever.
The Child feels things with its heart, remembers all it felt. It stays sensitive.
The Child gives or retracts warmth as you relate to people. It tells you which people to trust. It says to leave painful situations you can’t change.
Your Child can feel insecure. Other people can scare, shame or hurt it. The Child needs protection.
You develop PROTECTIVE SUBS that help you get people to like you. Protective subs say how to get what you want. They say what to do and what to avoid so people won’t scorn, shun, neglect, punish or abuse you.
Protective subs hide vulnerable and instinctual voices–hurt, selfish, sexual and angry voices. If parents disliked your infantile, psychic, spiritual, creative or archetypal subs, you may inhibit and hide them from lovers or even repress them from your own awareness. You project these subs and react with discomfort or envy when you see them in lovers. If you repress emotional, sexual, angry or spiritual subs, you see lovers as weak, lusty, aggressive, artistic or spiritual and feel contemptuous, jealous or envious.
Protective Sub Development Example
At age 5, my Inner Critic saved me from Dad’s anger and won me praise. First, I experienced his anger. When I saw Mom nurse my baby sister, I felt jealous; I’d only been bottle-fed. Mom covered her breast and said, “Don’t stare. Shelley’s a girl; I can just cuddle her because she’ll marry and doesn’t need to study like you. Now go study your verb wheel.”
I hated baby Shelley. When I thought No one saw, I sneaked into her room and twisted her foot. She cried. Dad ran in. “Don’t hurt your little sister. Make nice to her; pet her like you pet your kitty,” he said.
A few days later, no one guarded the baby so I again went to scare and hurt her. . But before I got her, in my own head I replayed Dad’s command, “Don’t hurt the baby.” This sub–my Inner Critic–criticized me internally before I hurt her. It let me know that if I acted out my jealous impulse my vulnerable Inner Child would experience fear and hurt from Dad’s anger. The Critic changed what would have been attack on Shelley to a love gesture. Rather than hurt her, I stroked her hair. She smiled. As our eyes met, we fell in love.
Dad saw. He praised my behavior toward Shelley. My Critic saved me from disapproval and won me praise. Thus do protective subs develop.
If parents encourage you to assert yourself, enjoy sex, do art and express spirituality, your inner Aphrodite, Artist and Saint subs can also contribute to, or even rule you. You show the subs your rearers revere (and maybe your Reasoner, Pleaser, Jealous voice and Conservatives subs) to other people and to yourself. The selves you think you are and ones you show others are your primary subs.
Primary subs help you minimize or forget you feel vulnerable, scared, insecure, hurt. You forget you feel angry, sexy, creative or spiritual–you may forget your shadow and forget your Inner Child.
[Adapted from Carter-Haar, B., & Yeomans, T., Synthesis I, 1974: 93-102]
Interview subs and observe how they interact with each other.
Get students or lovers together in a group; give each crayons and a large paper.
Sit comfortably, crayons and large drawing paper before you. On the paper, draw two concentric circles, the outer circle almost touches the page’s outer edges. Divide the outer circle into five pie segments. Don’t pierce the inner circle. Your pie should look like this:
Sit, eyes closed. Imagine yourself centered. As Center see, appreciate and coordinate your inner voices. Feel a luminous ball move up (to your crown) when you inhale, down (to your pelvis) when you exhale. Let the ball gradually rise less on inhale and fall less on exhale. After a few minutes, the ball centers itself between your eyebrows.
Imagine you sit before a closed door. On it see a sign that says, “Subselves Concerned With Love and Sex.”
See the door open. Out slinks your sexiest voice. It whispers its name. Your sexy sub says what it thinks and feels. It tells you how it helps your inner ecology.
Identify with Sexy. As it, what do you want? Why do you want it? Say the needs that motivate you, Sexy. Needs that promote health underlie and motivate your wants.
As Sexy, what would you would you do if you ran her or him all the time? Say your motto, Sexy.
Disidentify, separate from, differentiate from your Sexy. Again become the whole you, your Center.
From your Center, see your sexy sub walk from the door and onto a blank piece on your pie; sketch Sexy and note what it wants, what it needs, and its motto.
Center yourself again and, once more, sit before the door labeled “Selves Concerned with Love and Sex.”
The door opens again. Out walks a protective sub, a voice that tries to keep your Sexy from hurt. Let Protector say its name, how it functions in your inner ecology and what it does.
Pretend you’re Protector. Feel your existence, what you want and want to prevent. Why do you want that? As Protector, if you dominated your person totally, how would she or he behave? What motto, saying or theme summarizes your attitudes?
Separate from Protector. Center yourself again. From your Center, see Protector walk from the door and onto a blank pie segment. Draw Protector in that segment. Note what Protector wants and needs; write its motto.
Center yourself before the door labeled “Selves Concerned with Love and Sex.”
See the door swing open. Out steps Critic. Let Critic say its name and say its job in your subs’ ecology.
Identify with Critic. Tell your existence, Critic, what you want, why you want it. What would you do all the time if you were in charge? Write your motto.
Disidentify from Critic. Return to Center. From Center, imagine Critic walks from the door and onto another pie segment.
Draw Critic. Note what it wants and needs; write its motto.
Open the door and let Child emerge. Hear its name and its self-description.
Be it. Say your existence, what you want and why. What would you do if you dominated her or him always? What’s your motto?
Separate from Child and center yourself. Imagine Child moves onto the fourth blank on the pie. Draw her or him there. Note what Child wants and needs; write its motto.
ACCESS EMERGING SUB
Center yourself and imagine you again face the subs’ door.
See a fifth sub emerge. Let it move into the fifth and pie segment, the last unoccupied part of your drawing. Draw the emerging sub too.
With your partner, discuss your experience as you drew, danced and interacted with your subs.
* TEACH TANTRA
In this easy-to-read, fully-illustrated manuel, you learn to teach lovers and seekers how to:
* Master advanced tantra techniques
* Open all energy vortexes (chakras) to each other
* Refine relations
* Encourage female ejaculation and master male ejaculatory control
* Find meaning and purpose in relationships and life
* Reprogram parent imprints that diminish sex and love * Get satisfaction and sustain sex
* Mutually make more in sexualloving
* Delve dreams and pastlives
* Worship women and gratify guys
Also by the Lessins:
TANTRA for ALL CHAKRAS guides you through experiences that help you:
* Love each other more and better
* Open your energy vortexes (chakras) to each other
* Share your diverse inner-voices
* Learn what hurts and scares your Inner Kids
* Discern when to lower your subself shields
* Share vulnerability and connect with each other
* Synergize your inner selves’ dance within and between you
* Refine how you relate
* Heal each other’s hearts
* Encourage female ejaculation
* Master male ejaculatory control
THE LESSINS: HOLISTIC-LOVING GUIDES
SASHA ALEX LESSIN, PH.D. (U.C.L.A.) taught Sex Education in the University of Hawaii School of Medicine, Leeward Community College and the Professional School for Psychological Studies. He served as Director of Counseling at the Waikiki Drug Center and has counseled relationships, guided spiritual journeywork and taught tantra for over forty years.
JANET KIRA LESSIN, naturally tantric, joined Sasha as his co-teacher and presenter and together they developed, All-Chakra Tantra as Janet worked through her sexual abuse traumas and learned how to facilitate others’ reprogramming.
The LESSINS taught Tantra at Maui Community College, World Polyamory Association, World Tantra Association conferences, the School of Tantra on Maui and The Phoenix Goddess Temple.
They’ve appeared on numerous TV shows and on hundreds of radio shows and have written 10 books and counting.
https://wp.me/p1TVCy-5hv for experientials to uplevel your relationship.