by Janet Kira Lessin, Coauthor, TANTRA* FOR ALL CHAKRAS & CEO, School of Tantra @ www.schooloftantra.org
My husband and I are relationship counselors, tantra educators, sex therapists and polyamorous. Between our many interests working and interacting with thousands of students, colleagues and clients in our private practice, conferences, workshops, events and parties, we’ve just about seen or heard it all when it comes to human sexuality. I’m not saying we know it all. But we’ve certainly been around the block a few times.
I learned about orgasms because 1) I’ve been masturbating since before I started kindergarten, 2) have worked with thousands of clients, colleagues and students who have shared their stories as well as their techniques and 3) have been openly experimenting with my sexuality through making love and sharing sexual energy multiple partners for almost 20 years as an active polyamorist. My path has been out of the ordinary and most certainly an eye-opener.
From our findings, it seems that men are born prepared for orgasms and have them without even thinking about it. Young men often experience their first orgasm in the form of a wet dream, somewhere in late puberty or early teens.
But for many women orgasms are difficult to achieve. While many women are as naturally orgasmic as men, some women need assistance with orgasms, a bodily function that one would think would be as automatic as breathing. The inability to orgasm is as frustrating for women as erectile dysfunction is for men. For couples both can seriously affect a relationship, often resulting in justifying infidelity.
In our counseling practice, we find religious programming, cultural conditioning and sexpectations (as well as other psycho-emotional and even some physical limitations) prevent women from experiencing orgasms, which we feel if their birthright.
In my tantra/polyamory practice, I’ve had more lovers than I would have had if I had been monogamous all my life. The upside to experiencing more than one penis and being a tantrica is that I’ve done the work to reintegrate my consciousness into my yoni (vagina) through extensive yoni mapping, stimulation and by consciously projecting my mind to where my lover’s fingers, tongue or lingam (penis) touches me.
Like most women, until I learned tantra, I experienced a degree of disassociation, Despite the fact that I was naturally orgasmic, I’ve had my fair share of sexual abuse and inappropriate sexual energy directed towards me when I was too young to handle it. I suspect my situation is more common than imagined. From working with clients, we find that molestation, physical and sexual abuse is an epidemic in this country which is probably an effect of a sexually repressive society. This abuse goes in and affects us to the core of our being. Subconsciously it affects our attitudes around sex and relationships and we go through life with blinders on, unaware of how things we learned at our mother’s breast (or lack of it) and throughout our childhood stay with us throughout our lives.
Until I did my family of origin work and reprogrammed my religious and cultural conditioning, I did not experience the full potential of my sexuality. Afterwards I regained my full orgasmic abilities and was able to orgasm for hours on end. My orgasm reconnected me to Source. I am now becoming conscious and each day I regain more memories of who I am as an eternal being.
I think we are naturally orgasmic and our culture stifles this energy because of the power that lies within our sexual chakra. The sex chakra is also the home of our creativity. We are co-creators with Source. Our divine purpose is to manifest infinite diverse possibilities for experiences. Diversity is our prime directive. That’s why we agree to go unconscious, so we can totally be here in this world and diversify our experiences.
Traditional religions marginalize our sexual-spiritual connection to Source. Some religions demonize our sexuality, making it appropriate only for procreation and other times when one has sex is sinful. Some religious sects perform clitorectomies on their young woman (the equivalent of male castration) so that they cannot enjoy the full potential of their sexual power and pleasure. I find it horrendous that we permit societies to do such heinous things in the name of religion or tradition. We know about this yet do nothing to those who mutilate women in such a fashion. But would we sit back and tolerate male castration? Would we allow the creation of eunuchs as though we had in the past? I doubt it.
The only religion I’m aware of that celebrates sex is tantra. And so, tantra, which can be combined with and complement other religions, reconnects us to Source, the Divine. Through tantra, we remember our original purpose for sub-parsing through the levels of existence down to this, the lowest vibrational frequency to this zone/dimension that we call life.
By accessing my orgasm, I took back my life, reclaimed my sexuality which is my greatest gift to myself and the world. My orgasm is my connection to myself, my soul and God/Divine/Universal Consciousness.
Until I dove deep down inside of myself, recovered the fractured pieces of my soul, I was incomplete. Since I was incomplete, I sought to complete myself through relationships. I became co-dependent rather than interdependent. My life and my relationships were extremely dysfunctional.
I’m not saying I’m now perfect and that my relationships are perfect. I realize my work will last for quite a while. But I now have recovered most pieces of my poor fractured soul. And my healing as made me more attractive. I’ve cleared the way for the cosmos to deliver my twin flame/soul mate(s) to me. And through this work clearing my chakras, balancing and creating a higher vibratory frequency within my being, I found my divine beloved and we love and live in partnership rather than patriarchy and hierarchy (which totally sucks).
It took a lot of work. But it’s well worth it; now I’m truly alive. Before I was some kind of zombie, a matrix programmed slave sleep-walking through life full of shoulds and should-nots.
Through focus, intention and stimulus generalization, I’ve awakened my yoni fully and now the entire area, all the tissue, from front to back, orifice to cervix, inside and outside is alive, tingling and able to meet my lovers’ touch.
My alive yoni is ready to greet and experience love fully. For me, love is connected to my sexuality and I celebrate my connection to others. While I remain choosy about whom I wish to mix and mate with physically, I do enjoy running energy with many and my energy activates others, makes them aware of their true sexual spiritual connection to one another and the Divine/Source.
I’ve been blessed to experience many lingams, large and small, thick and thin. I’ve learned how to adjust my yoni through conscious thought and intention to clamp down or expand to feel and compensate for the variations in penis size. If my lover has a large head on his lingam, I’ve learned how to tighten my muscles around his tissue maximizing pleasure for both of us. There weren’t books or formal studies in how to do this. I managed to do this through my thought and intention to love and be loved, to experience pure joy and surrender to my orgasm.
When you surrender to orgasm, you let go. It’s like falling or jumping off a cliff. Yes, it’s scary at first. You lose a part of yourself, in a sense. That’s why they call orgasms the mini death. But actually you’re merging yourself with your lover, just for a moment at first, and gradually, together, over time and with practice, you merge yourself with God Source and all of creation.
When you’re one with God Source, you remember who you really are. You feel your oneness. You know that your oneness with each other and the Universe is absolute truth. Yes, it can be frightening to lose yourself so completely in the apparent other. But once you allow yourself to merge with love, you actually find yourself learn how to truly love yourself completely.
I began my tantra path through self-pleasuring and before I even knew the word tantra existed. At a very young age I felt orgasmic. Perhaps I came into this planet that way. Maybe I’ve been a dakini in many past incarnations.
While I was able to feel beautiful, lovely sensations when very young, I don’t think I had a full orgasm until much later, somewhere in my teens. But then again, what is an orgasm? Perhaps the energy I experienced was a first level orgasm and by the time my body grew and developed so it could fully respond to my touch, I was now in higher levels of orgasm. From early childhood through adolescence I ran energy up through the core of my being connecting to something greater than myself as often as I could find time to be alone with myself. I learned very young; I was self-taught.
I think anyone can do this at any time. It just involves time, patience and tuning in to yourself, learning how to make love to yourself. And once you love yourself, you can truly learn how to love others. Once you reconnect to yourself and open the communication lines between you and God Source, you are free to let go when you orgasm because you know where you’re going, which is home. It’s no longer frightening. Then you learn how to let go with another. For most that other person is a lover, a Beloved, one with whom you feel safe.
But if you master orgasm you can take people with you home to Source. They awaken, remember. Maybe not consciously at first. But the lesson goes in unconsciously and gradually awakens the whole being over time in divine order so as to know and blow the mind of the person experiencing the awakening process.
A good dakini (or prostitute for that matter) can serve as a healing vessel for men who are disconnected from themselves and Source. Since men come in with a natural ability to orgasm, they tend to orgasm on the lowest level and are not motivated to learn about the other levels of orgasms.
When you learn how to orgasms at different levels and utilizing more parts of your body and being, you break open the pathways, bring heaven to earth and experience your connections with others. That’s the ultimate blessing of mastering a tantric practice. Once centered between heaven and earth, you are a more conscious, aware, centered being and from that place, life flows easier for yourself and those all around you. You are a gift to humanity. People sense it and wish to be around you.
Epiphany sexual experiences like the very first time we experience an orgasm often sets the pace for our orgasms for the rest of one’s life. If you like where you are, that’s fine. But for some it’s torture.
Recently we had a client who experienced her first orgasm by stimulation from water running over her clit. From then on she needed to orgasm that way. When she married she found she couldn’t orgasm through lovemaking with her husband.
Eventually, they learned how to transfer her orgasm from being anchored to water stimulation to a vibrator. But they weren’t able to experience orgasm through lovemaking. Vibrators tend to overstimulate and desensitize tissue. While using a vibrator may teach a non-orgasmic woman how to orgasm, the woman needs to associate her orgasm with living tissue. In this case, the woman wanted to experience an orgasm while her husband had intercourse with her. He wanted her to be happy sexually.
They came to us for help. We helped her direct her orgasm and anchor it with her beloved. We gave them instruction and homework to gradually over time learn how to associate her orgasm with flesh rather than some other, artificial means. Ultimately, if we had more time with them, we’d assist her until she reclaimed her orgasm for herself and not associating it with any particular person, but through loving her own self. Once she owns her own orgasm, she’s free to orgasm alone or with any partner. Since they were monogamous, she would probably only chose to orgasm with her husband or alone (as he travels frequently).
Through my tantra practice and life experiences, I’ve learned there are many ways for women to have orgasms. Women need to realize that their orgasm begins with themselves. They need to look within, identify how they achieve or block orgasms. If they’re associating their orgasm with another person, thing or particular type of stimulation (manual or visual), they’re disempowering themselves. They need to rethink it all and wrap their heads around orgasms. All else will follow suit. Because physical orgasms begin in the mind (and the mind is a powerful thing that can work for or against you), if you’re not having orgasms, you need to retrain your mind.
The entire vagina can become an erogenous zone. Through a process called stimulus generalization, where one teaches the mind to feel and recognize sensations in areas that are otherwise desensitized to feeling and thus preventing enough physical stimulation to permit orgasms.
I discovered that I could orgasm with many people as sexual partners having full intercourse simply by training myself not to single source my orgasm with a particular person or thing, but to access my orgasm as my orgasm, and not as something that someone else does to me. It’s my power, my connection to Source and I can find it and let go whenever I chose. I have become the chooser when it comes to orgasms. Orgasming is my connection to God Source, so it’s always there, just a few steps away. My oneness with the All That There is my prayer and my meditation to love and the beloved. I am the Beloved. All are my Beloveds. I needn’t have sex with all my Beloveds, but I can run energy at will. And when I project my shaktipod, they can feel it even though we’re across the world.
If you can’t orgasm, don’t give up. If there’s nothing wrong physically, it could be something emotional deep within your subconscious. If you’re a couple and can’t orgasm, seek the assistance of a trained daka, dakinin or both. We have highly trained tantra professionals at the Temple of Tantra and continually train tantra therapists, counselors and coaches here at the School of Tantra (www.schooloftantra.com) in Maui, Hawaii and through online distance learning. We’re also available to travel. Contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org
Anunnaki Taught TANTRA to Uplevel our Consciousness
* Tantra is an ancient spiritual practice that originates from space. Ancient aliens who colonized the Earth 450,000 years ago bought tantra from the planet Nibiru and practiced tantra to maximize conception and bring into physicality from higher dimensions souls of advanced capabilities in order to advance civilization and culture and maximize chances for their species’ survival. It was through these tantric practices that Enki, a brilliant scientist and spiritually advanced soul, and Ninmah, a goddess of divine love who would become the main counselor, diplomat and primary peacekeeper for the Anunnaki came through the seed of Anu and his concubines from the Galzu, a species from a higher realm of existence.
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Tantra allows species to awaken kundalini [electric-like vibrations up your spine] and reconnect souls to their higher awareness of their universal role at the appropriate time for the individual after they’ve reach a point in their lives when it’s time for them to remember. All beings come through the veil of forgetfulness when incarnating into third dimensional form in order to fully engage in this dimension, which is called life, and fully participate in this program. This program, which is the Earth matrix, is a subroutine matrix of the primary matrix, which is the Solaris Solar system matrix, which is twin system with the Nemesis solar system.
In higher levels of awareness souls feel one another fully because density is less, form is more permeable and we continually merge mind and form, thus are able to understand each other better. We exist more as group mind, hive mind like bees and ants. We are telepathic. Thoughts are read and understood immediately so we respond immediately and know our oneness.
We agreed to experience separation in order to create life that is individualistic. This experiment has resulted in more diversity. The original polarity was self and not self which perpetuated exponentially creating the continuum and all that is. At first we played with negative emotions and began by not liking things about the apparent others we created in the “self, not-self” polarity game.
We began with negative emotions and thoughts which gradually became the ability to hurt the other, first emotionally then as we traveled deeper into form and density, we could hit then eventually kill one another, We’ve been killing ever sense in an ever expanding variety of ways, starting with killing one, than many, and eventually ending with mass weapons of destruction, like nuclear weapons, and other weapons, the likes of which not yet seen on this planet but in existence in the universe.
The Earth has been quarantined so that we may not take nukes into space and not contaminate other worlds, but also so that this planet with it’s extreme diversity of species is protected from the planet killer species that exist out there in the galaxy/universe.
The experiment is about complete and we’ve rounded the corner and are returning to higher densities where the illusion of separateness is less intense. We will now love each other more because form is less dense and we feel each other more thus we have more compassion and empathy for one another. We have paid our dues as a species and the experiment in density and separation will continue in other places. Humanity deserves a vacation of sorts and will now join the Federation of Planets with higher culture and civilization and take a vacation from extreme violence.
Those who wish to accelerate awareness can do so with tantra, a spiritual practice that’s fully experiential and gives you direct access to Source, awareness of the others self, those parts of you incarnated in other bodies by allowing you to move past your skin encapsulated sense of form and separate self sense. You feel separate because flesh is dense. Your light body is permeable and allows you to merge, feel your loving oneness and transcend physicality to remember your natural state of loving oneness with all creation.
When you merge with another through the lovemaking process, activate all your energy centers (chakras), awaken your kundalini (like plugging in to the cosmos), you eventually remember it all. The process feels electrical, like pure pleasure currents running through your bodies. You may not accomplish a kundalini awakening while incarnated. It all depends on how advanced you are as a soul.
Tantra is for all, novice to advanced, for tantra allows souls incarnated in flesh a time out, a break from density so they might recharge. Tantra helps them accelerate their personal growth and awakening and activate consciousness for all incarnated on the planet without destroying the paradigm and delicate Eco systems necessary for the divine experiment, the universal agreement of the collective to diversify existence. We are all co creators with source, after all. At the highest emanation of self we are god, all that it is, one. Here we think we are individuals and for this moment here and now, that is our reality.
Make love. Take a break from your physical life by using your body’s natural ability though lovemaking to transport your soul through time and space. Imagine, go beyond form and experience the totality of creation. Allow yourself to explore new thoughts and ideas way beyond the box and the limited container of this matrix. Bring some of those ideas, especially new ways to play and enjoy life. Laugh. Play. Breathe fully, (in god, out god) with each deep breath.
Next day you’re better equipped to handle the difficulties of this plane. Eventually, as we remember who we are, all improves for everyone as we uplevel to awareness of our oneness and feel each other, love each other and end violence and war, ahimsa, do no harm to those we believe are not ourselves. It’s all illusion, Lila, divine play and tantra s the way to recall and begin to love it all.
The gods gave us tantra as a gift to unwind and relax, play, love and enjoy our lives. It was and is there all along. But the gods so loved us, they wanted us to enjoy life as much as they do. So when the weeks over, the work required of us by being in physical form is done. The seventh day, a day of leisure, enjoyment and fun was given to all, man and god. Love exists for all, man and god and time enough for love exists so that form can function, grow and provide it’s role for life to exist and evolve.
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