Many are single by choice. There are many benefits to being single in the dance of life. Dating many allows you to dance many different styles of dances; tango, hip hop, waltz, country line, ballroom. Any particular partner may not know how to do all the types of dances you desire, and if you limit yourself to one partner, you won’t get to dance all the dances you want. It’s nearly impossible for one person to fulfill all your needs.
Now you’re ready for a tantric lover. Maybe you’re looking for “the one” and you’re single and can’t seem to find her or him or you’re already involved with a partner who isn’t interested in tantra. If so, you needn’t wait for another lover before you love yourself as your own beloved.
Love yourself, accept who you are and become more comfortable with you while you’re single or waiting for your soul mate. The following exercise guides you through a date with yourself. Use this as a model and be creative and design something special just for you.
A TANTRIC DATE WITH YOURSELF
Reserve time on your calendar for a date with yourself. Look forward to that day to be alone with yourself as you would a date with another. But on this date, you’ll pamper yourself rather than someone else.
When the day of your date arrives, call your favorite restaurant early in the day and have it prepare your favorite meal to deliver or be ready for you to pick up for your date with yourself that evening. Set a fine, elegant table with linen, tablecloth, and nice china. Transform your room into a love temple with candles, incense, attractive art and cloth, music, aphrodisiacs and sacraments of your choice.
Prepare an altar with sacred items that represent your life and the people you have loved and who have loved you. Clean and organize with the love and excitement usually reserved for another person. You deserve it, you’re special. Draw a bubble bath, water on the hot side (as it will set a while before you get in). Light candles, select romantic music.
Begin your date at the altar. Rest your hand lovingly on your heart. Dedicate this lovemaking to yourself, to your personal healing and growth. Envision all the love you ever knew and realize that it exists at this moment for you.
Open to the divine spirit within and the universal consciousness without, sanctify unity, harmony, and balance. As above, so below.
Eat your delicious but light meal. Don’t stuff yourself or you’ll drowse and diminish your episode of romance. You have a night of romance ahead. Take your time and savor every bite; appreciate it’s aroma, taste, and texture. Treat yourself to a variety of interesting and stimulating flavors. Save your dessert for the next part.
Check the bath waiting; it should be the perfect temperature by now. If it isn’t, add water to get it just right. Make every action a sacred ritual for you as both giver and receiver, divinity and devotee.
As you soak in the tub, feed yourself dessert as you would your lover. Enjoy wine or sacrament. Close your eyes and meditate on the sensations of the warm water. Notice the music and fragrances. Open your eyes and see the candles cast dancing shadows. Delicately wash your feet, arms, body–genitals last.
Stand nude before a full-length mirror.
REFLECT ON YOUR REFLECTION
See yourself in the mirror from several angles. Watch your body flow as you move. Focus on head, torso, legs, then your crown, hair, face, neck, chest, back, belly, hips, buttocks, thighs, knees, shins, hands, feet, toes (but save genitals) as you dance with your mirror image.
Complete the following sentences:
The features I can see that I like most about my bodily appearance are ….
The qualities and functions I like most about my body are.
What I like most about my health is….
The features I like least about my body as I see it in the mirror are….
The qualities and functions I least value about my body are….
What I like least about my health is ….
My liabilities of looks, health and functioning are ….
IDENTIFY WITH YOUR BODY; become it. As your body, say
Here’s what, as Body, I find difficult about serving as this soul’s soma ….
Here’s what, as Body, I find satisfying about serving as this soul’s soma ….
Here’s how I, as [your name]’s body, feel about the way [your name]’s Inner Critic reacts to me….
Tell the person in the mirror, “What I, your body, would you like you to value me for is ….
[Your name],here’s what else, as your body want you to know from my perspective ….
Disidentify with your body. Center yourself, so you simultaneously feel and accept feedback from both your body and your intellect.
As [your name]’s Center, complete the following to your body; first speak, later write what you said:
What I appreciate about you, Body, is …[include what Body wanted to be valued for].
Say aloud, then list, “I’ll take the following steps to improve or accept my looks, health, and functioning.
Look in your orifices; use two mirrors.
Say, as the voice of your body, want and need.
Say “Lam,” touch your base chakra with your hand. Tell your Earthy essence to experience your sexual chakra.
Chant “Vam,” touch your genitals and invite your Sensual subself.
Say “Ram,” rub your belly and invite the spirit of your inner Strength to join the fun.
Say “Yam,” touch your heart and invoke your Romantic inner voice.
Say “Ham,” inviting your sound-maker Singer self to be present as you make love to yourself.
Chant “Ooo,” rub your third eye (between your eyebrows) and summons your inner Visioner.
Make the sound “Mmm” and invite your Universal Consciousness to be present too.
MASSAGE YOURSELF TO ORGASM
Lightly massage your entire body and pleasure your genitals by hand, toys or a stream of water from a hose attached to your bath faucet.
Practice with a wide variety.
Notice what you like, what works and what doesn’t. Make a mental note for future partners.
Envision the chakras and imagine energy moving from the base up the crown. See the kundalini energy coiled in your coccyx, like a snake at the bottom of a basket waiting for the lid to be removed. You open the basket. It’s ready.
Bring yourself to the height of orgasm then purposely pull back the energy and stop the orgasm. You’re teaching yourself about your body and how it responds, what it likes. Experiment. This is your night.
Men, stimulate your lingam till you almost ejaculate. Notice when you are about to go over the edge then don’t go there. Stop stimulating your penis, take a deep breath. Exhale out all the air then suck in your belly. Visualize bringing energy up through all your chakras, out your crown and pull energy back through your base. Pulse your anal sphincter. Pulse. Pulse. Pulse. Pause. Breathe. Begin the cycle again. Soon you’ll begin experiencing orgasms without ejaculation. Treat yourself to several hours of love. If you should ejaculate, take a break for twenty minutes then continue.
Women, you orgasms don’t stop after just one. Alternate pleasuring your genitals externally, internally and simultaneously to experience the various types of orgasms. Continue stimulating yourself through several orgasms, then several more. Indulge.
When you’re finished, hug and kiss yourself goodnight. Sleep the deep sleep of the satiated beloved.
BRINGING IN YOUR SOUL MATE(S)
There’s an old saying, “When the student is ready the teacher will appear.” The same applies to soul mates. In order to be ready for your soulmate you must be open to recognizing her or him when they show up. Sometimes they may not look or act the way you imagined them to be. Not everyone is a model or playmate and your true soul mate will more than likely not fall in that category. Even if they do at this time, we all age and lose our looks to some degree. like the song says, “Young and beautiful, someday your looks will be gone”. Will you love your soul mate at all stages of their life? Will they love you?
Take a look at yourself. Are you sufficiently healed from your childhood traumas and other relationships in order to fully appreciate your soul mate when they arrive and treat them with the love and respect they deserve? Many times we find our soul mates only to lose them because we’re running the same dysfunctional number we did with other lovers, friends, and family.
To better understand ourselves and relationships, perhaps we should take a look at the nature of love. There’s an old saying: There once was a man who was looking for the perfect woman. After many years looking far and wide he found her. Problem was, she was looking for the perfect man.
Get advanced info on how to train your lovers in the paperback, TEACH TANTRA by the Lessins.