DROP DAMAGING DEMANDS: Uplevel Addictions to Preferences* & Dig What You’ve Got

From TANTRA FOR ALL CHAKRAS** by Sasha Alex Lessin, Ph.D., Dean, School of Tantra & Janet Kira Lessin, CEO, Aquarian Radio

Feel Dyadic Consciousness & Dissolve Illusions of Separateness

Sit with a partner. Maintain eye contact. Don’t touch. 

Tell her or him, “I feel separateness from you when I say to myself … (specify all of the rational and irrational, serious and trivial, crazy and stupid and clear and astute things you say to yourself that make you feel separate from her or him.) Exhaust your list.

Your partner sits calmly and says, “Thank you” after each separation you enumerate.

Then have your partner tell you, “I feel separateness from you when I say to myself.…” Encourage your partner to exhaust her or his separatenesses: calmly say “Thank you” for each.

Then join hands. Tell your partner, “I feel oneness with you when I tell myself … (complete with all the things you tell yourself which make you feel close to your partner..)

Reverse roles. Discuss your experience with this exercise.

When you raise your consciousness to the dyadic level you still keep your bodymind awareness, your distinct personality and your inner voices, should you choose to temporarily identify with them.

When you and your significant other expand consciousness of yourselves to internalize each others’ wisdom and concerns, you are on the dyadic level of consciousness. The energy, richness, complexity and awareness the two of you share exceeds the sum of both your individual bodymind energies and aware nesses. Your couple synergy is enhanced when you use your relationship so each of you grows and has more to give to the relationship as well.
Ken Keyes provides an excellent model for such synergistic dyadic consciousness. [Keyes, K., Handbook to Higher Consciousness, 5th Edition,: Living Love, 1979 and A Conscious Person’s Guide to Relationships, Kentucky: Living Love, 1979.]

Keyes says to welcome upsets in your relationship. You can use upsets to raise your consciousness. He suggests you fully share your deepest feelings and process what you say to yourself which make you feel separate from and opposed to one another. You can then experience your oneness.

Relate compassionately, Keyes says, to your lover’s problems as signals for her or him to grow without also getting yourself caught up emotionally. Process your own emotional upsets, feel centered and loving and then act freely.

Use your relationship to stimulate internal dialogue at the personality levels of each of you, so you can both raise your individual and mutual consciousness. When you’re upset, disturbed, unhappy or dissatisfied with your mate, explore your own addictions, that is, how you tell yourself your other must be and your relationship must be for you to be happy. Such addictions trigger your upset. You stop suffering and instead grow when you stop being addicted.

Change your addictions to preferences. Preferences are desires which, if not fulfilled, do not make you suffer.

* What, in Keyes’ framework, are addictions and preferences?

* What does he mean when he says to upgrade your addictions to preferences?
Think of an addiction of yours that involves someone with whom you are in a relationship. Speculate on the form your addiction would take if it were raised to a preference.

* Imagine that you’ve up leveled your addiction to a preference. Imagine how your life would be affected. Tell me what you imagine.

* Recall a time when your intimate’s annoying habit or attitude gave you an opportunity to discard an addiction and feel better as a result. Write you results.

Stop blaming each other for not meeting each other’s expectations. Refrain from making addiction-based demands. Turn off addictions; turn on love. Let your intimate express anger, jealousy and other separating emotions aimed at you, while you love her or him more no matter what she or he does. Let her or his addictions be okay with you.

Realize that in disputes, you win some and lose some; that is okay.

Make your growth and self-expression help your love’s growth as she or he defines it.

Before you enter a deep relationship with another, Keyes invites you to know and accept your own inner voices, personality and bodymind. Enter your relationship so you can cooperate with each other in “the great adventure of life.”

Keyes recommends you avoid using intense love as a basis for involvement, since, at more inclusive levels of consciousness, you’re at living oneness and love with all humanity. You are already deeply in love with everyone. Therefore, he says, choose carefully who you share your time and life games with. Choose someone who contributes to your well-being and vice versa.

“You contribute to your mutual well-being when you enjoy the ‘enoughness’ that you do have in your life, and thus open your heart to happiness by not creating emotion-backed demands for what you don’t have. Learn to emotion- ally accept what is here and now in your life. You will find you always have ‘enough’ in your life.”

Take responsibility, Keyes says, for creating your own happiness in your relationship. You use your relationship to raise your own consciousness only when you work on your own bodymind, personality and subself integration. Keyes suggests such integration allows you to be “in touch with the beautiful, capable and loving” aspects of your own subdyadic consciousness as well as higher consciousness. “I love you,” means “You’re mirroring me and letting me see the beautiful, capable parts of me.”

Make your relationship delightful by being involved and sharing with your intimate, not by being addicted to your intimate for your happiness. To increase your involvement, you must decrease your addictions. Sharing means not hiding anything, so you can build a trusting base.

“Ask for what you want, but don’t be addicted to getting it.”

Keep noticing the beauty and preciousness of the bodymind and higher being your intimate is no matter what subpersonality she or he is affecting.

Open to the form the relationship takes, which, for couples, may be nonmonogamous.

You function at the dyadic level of consciousness when you “discover the ‘us’ place in terms of surrender, compassionate power and mutual give and take.”

Here’s a summary of Keyes’ outstanding 12 PATHWAYS system:

Terms: An ADDICTION is something you say to yourself you must have to be happy. It is an emotion backed demand. In contrast, if a preference is not satisfied, you don’t make yourself miserable.

PROGRAMMING refers to your belief systems and characteristic ways of looking at the world.

The 7 CENTERS OF CONSCIOUSNESS refer to seven ways of filtering your experience, focusing on a particular chakra’s aspect of it, security, sensation, power, love, cornucopia, conscious awareness or cosmic consciousness.

Growth refers to dropping addictive demands entirely or converting them to preferences.

  1. I am discovering how my consciousness dominating addictions create my illusory version of the changing world of people and situations around me.
  1. I welcome the opportunity (even if painful) that my minute to minute experience offers me to become aware of the addictions I must reprogram to be liberated from my robot-like emotional patterns.
  1. I always remember that I have everything I need to enjoy my here and now — unless I am letting my consciousness be dominated by demands and expectations based on the dead past or the imagined future.
  1. I take full responsibility here and now for everything I experience, for it is my own programming that creates my actions and also influences the reactions of people around me.
  1. I accept myself completely here and now and consciously experience everything I feel, think, say and do (including my emotion backed addictions) as a necessary part of my growth into higher consciousness.
  1. I open myself genuinely to all people by being willing to fully communicate my deepest feelings, since hiding in any degree keep me stuck in my illusion of separateness from other people.
  2. I feel with loving compassion the problems of others without getting caught up emotionally in their predicaments that are offering them messages they need for their growth.
  1. I act freely when I am tuned in, centered and loving, but if possible, I avoid acting when I am emotionally upset and depriving myself of the wisdom that flows from love and expanded consciousness.
  1. I am continually calming the restless scanning of my rational mind in order to perceive the finer energies that enable me to unitively merge with everything around me.
  1. I am constantly aware of which of the Seven Centers of Consciousness I am using and I feel my energy, perceptiveness, love and inner peace growing as I open all of the centers of consciousness.
  1. I am perceiving everyone, including myself, as an awakening being who is here to claim his or her birthright to the higher consciousness planes of unconditional love and oneness.
  1. I am freeing myself from security, sensation and power addictions that make me try to forcefully control situations in my life and thus destroy my serenity and keep me from loving myself and others.
    —————–* Based on Keys, K., Handbook to Higher Consciousness….

    Sing along with, exercise to, memorize the songs at this url   the songs will help you, as they help me, live from love.

** See “TANTRA FOR ALL CHAKRAS” by Dr. Lessin and Janet Kira Lessin
TANTRA for ALL CHAKRAS guides you through experiences that help you:

* Love each other more and better

* Open your energy vortexes (chakras) to each other

* Share your diverse inner-voices

* Learn what hurts and scres your Inner Kids

* Discern when to lower your subself shields

* Share vulnerability and connect with each other

* Synergize your inner selves’ dance within and between you

* Refine how you relate

* Heal each other’s hearts

* Encourage female ejaculation

* Master male ejaculatory control

To teach those who love you how to do it best, get

TEACH TANTRA, a manual for you to experience advanced tantra and teach it to others.
You learn to teach lovers and seekers how to:

* Master advanced tantra techniques

* Open all energy vortexes (chakras) to each other

* Refine relations

* Encourage female ejaculation and master male ejaculatory control

* Find meaning and purpose in relationships and life

* Reprogram parent imprints that diminish sex and love * Get satisfaction and sustain sex

* Mutually make more in sexual loving

* Delve dreams and pastlives

* Worship women and gratify guys


SASHA ALEX LESSIN, PH.D. (U.C.L.A.) taught Sex Education at the University of Hawaii School of Medicine, Leeward Community College and the Professional School for Psychological Studies. He served as Director of Counseling at the Waikiki Drug Center and has counseled relationships, guided spiritual journeywork and taught tantra for over forty years.

JANET KIRA LESSIN, naturally tantric, joined Sasha as his co-teacher and presenter and together they developed, All-Chakra Tantra as Janet worked through her sexual abuse traumas and learned how to facilitate others’ reprogramming.

The LESSINS taught Tantra at Maui Community College, World Polyamory Association, World Tantra Association conferences, the School of Tantra on Maui and The Phoenix Goddess Temple.

They’ve appeared on numerous TV shows and on hundreds of radio shows and have written 10 books and counting. for experientials to uplevel your relationship.

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